For Mary

This is Mary. Mary Fons. Mary Fons-Misetic. She's been married since I saw her last. I love Mary. I first met her in graduate school when I was lucky enough to cast her in a production of Top Girls. And then I got to cast her again and again. She is talented - and that is no small compliment. More importantly she uses her talent to make things better for people. When I knew Mary she was quirky and funny and still coming into the comfort of her own skin. When I see and hear of her now she is there - in her skin and comfortable being there, although lately the inside of her skin is a painful place to be. Mary's been sick. She's been in and out of hospitals. She's had major - major surgeries. And she's carried on without a colon - come on people - no colon?! Through all of that she has managed to keep her spirits up and her attitude right. There is something I read on her blog Papergirl the other day that stood out to me. When she was going through another day of off the charts pain she said she wished she would die. And then she regretted having said that, lest the universe make good on her statement. There is something I wanted to write to Mary and to all of us out there who have wanted to die at one time or another.

It's okay. The universe - despite the people making money to tell you differently - is not a literal, unimaginative entity. It get's subtlety. It gets sub-text and most importantly it gets sarcasm. But what the universe gets and sees better than anyone or anything is our heart. At that moment when you said I wish I would die, the universe heard this: "This is pain I don't want anymore take it away. Take it away right now. Put me someplace without pain." Because that is what you said, that is what you wanted. It is coming, my love. It is on the way. It has been ordered by you. So many of us want to take away the pain of those we love. I want to take Mary's pain - so badly. I had a friend who would tell me to call her when I had to worry. She would worry for me. So, to my friends out there who have something they can't bare, send it to me for awhile. I'll hold it for you. And if you can't, know that I am loving you and holding you up out here. Holding a place without pain just for you.

We are blessed, may we recognize the blessing.

in peace

I love you, Mar