Monday, March 30, 2009


I don't handle it well. This morning I got online to get U2 tickets. I was on at exactly 10am when they went on sale and got two tickets in my queue. As I was trying to sign out and pay for them; Ticketmaster would not put me through to the end payment process when I tried to edit my credit card information. And time was running out. When I tried to get back to the pay screen I got bumped off the system. And now here I sit - show sold out and I am pissed. I mean I actually cried. Was it because I was not going to see Bono up close (and these seats were pretty good!)? No. It was because I had something that was supposed to be mine and then I didn't have it anymore. It was gone. I expected it. Felt entitled to it. And now it is gone. I am not one to get upset over not getting concert tickets. That's not my style. But lately I have gotten more and more upset when things don't go my way. I feel that they should. I should get the few little things I ask for. Hasn't life been hard enough without such a disappointment?

My four-year old even tried to make me feel better (he has the chicken pox, mind you and should be being comforted by his mother and not the other way around) by hugging me, stroking my head (the way I do to him) and telling me that it was okay. That there were probably other people who didn't get concert tickets either. But I just kept crying and hitting the keyboard saying over and over again that "I couldn't believe it!"

I went to a Morrissey concert recently and I felt great during and after it. There was a collective excitement that I got to be apart of. It was like creating theatre again. That feeling of sitting in the dark watching great creations with other people and sharing a collective experience. Euphoria. Excitement. Unity. A toxin-free high. And then it was over. Couldn't re-live that experience anymore and I had to go back to the laundry and the dieting and the drudgery of my life.

And I realized that this disappoinment over U2 tickets is exactly the same thing. I have been on a concert binge lately. Getting tickets for everything to try and re-live that Morrissey experience. I want to feel alive, again - like in my late teens and twenties. There I go chasing that dragon again. But aren't concerts better than pizza or coca-cola? Only marginally. I got a message today about myself - that I need to be engaged in life. I need to participate and contribute to feel alive. I need to have meaningful work - something that gets me out of bed every morning besides taking my kids to school. That is what this concert addiction is about. That is why I was disappointed about U2 tickets - because I wanted something to look forward to. Something to - give my life meaning? Well, that sucks. Bono, no matter how well he sings (and he sings like a freakin' angel) cannot be the reason I get up everyday. My own internal fire got dampened. And now it is time to reignite it. My life has very little passion and I am a person who thrives on passion. So my disappointment is not over U2 but over my life. Sometimes it's better to blame ticketmaster!

My son just came downstairs and said: "Mama, you stopped crying! I knew you would let it go." Out of the mouth of babes.

We are blessed, may we recognize the blessing.

in peace


photo by: JesApe


Tracey said...

I am sorry you did not get the tickets..
you know why I go to concerts?? Because I grew up in a desolated landscape totally void of cultural events, other than school band concerts and really, I think what I wanted to be when I grew up was a groupie..and there was no chance of that. So, now, once in a blue moon I do things like fly 500 miles to an Aerosmith concert. And then, when I decide to do it again, and the concert gets cancelled.. I pout for DAYS.

DoulaMomma said...

can I be a small reason, sometimes, for you to get out of bed? and all your other friends? because you bring so much energy to others - let us try to give back a little & reignite the flame...