Saturday, March 13, 2010

It's Not About....

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

Song lyrics - the poetry of my life. I can quote so many different songs and I am sure there is a line for every occasion. This one from the Indigo Girls has been swirling around my head for a couple of days now. I do not consider myself to be a scientist or a logician, if anything I am more of a chaos-lover. At least in my immediate surroundings. But when my life gets overwhelming and almost out of control I turn into someone who looks for definition. Someone who looks for order. And I will bend my will to create it.

My friend K strikes again. I know you are reading this Kar and I love you for hearing my cries into the ether. She sent my horoscope again last week. It was a sucky week for me. And in an effort "to smooth my heart down, long enough for the world to come around," I turned my brain inside out. This is what my horoscope said:

Leo July 21–August 22
You will be thinking of new endeavors, challenges, and how to best use resources. Notice intuition and perception are very strong at this time. If you tune in quietly within you’ll know who is thinking of and loving you. Concern about resources continues. However, in the long run this concern will evaporate. Did you expect something that didn’t occur? Is there disappointment?

Now I am not sure if reading this made me create new endeavors and challenges or if they were already in the works. But I am grateful for the opportunity. Do you spin a story in your head? Do you turn situations over and over again trying to figure out if what just happened really happened? And do you blame yourself when things don't go the way you want? I used to do these things - all the time. This past week I got a reminder of something - It's not about me! What an incredibly freeing thing to be reminded of. It's not about me? Really, I am NOT the center of the universe? Ahhhhh. It set me free. It's not about me. When I have challenges with other people their choices are not about me. The only thing I control is how I respond to it. The only thing I can control is how long I hold on to the moment.

This post is a less sexy follow-up to the Open Heart post. It is the day to day of opening your heart. It is the day to day of living in the world with other people. Most of my friends who read this blog are women. And I know we tend to be more emotional (although that category is by no means ours alone!). And we tend to discuss and turn over situations until we understand them. So if that is you and you want a little help moving through that today - here is more genius that my friend Kar sent me. As always I love you.

in peace

photo:Cinnamon Girl (I am thinking about changing my name to this - Love it!)

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