Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Been Gone Such a Long Long Time.....

And most of you know why. I missed writing the blog. I found that it got me out of myself and somewhere else. It sort of purged my soul a bit. Fortunately I haven't spent too much time feeling sorry for myself the last year. I looked at the calendar this morning and realized that this Saturday it will be a year since I was diagnosed with cancer. I gratefully sit here cancer-free! And I am still tired. Someone inside of me, probably that little girl seeking approval, decided to fill her schedule to the brim so she could make up for lost time. For the weeks she stayed in bed knocked out from the chemo. Or the weeks she slept upright because she couldn't lay down after the open chest surgery. Or the many many naps she took after driving herself to and from radiation therapy for six weeks. The guilt at being sick. A wasted emotion - guilt. So, I cut back this week. I cancelled appointments that I was too tired to keep. I let go of some "obligations" that I had made when feeling invincible. And I apologized to myself for thinking I was "less than" if I didn't do it all. Bottom line: My body is still healing, but more importantly my spirit is still healing and it needs its energy and its wits about it for the next evolution.

in peace

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