Saturday, December 27, 2008


When is it ever? When am I ever? I have had! I simultaneously hate and love the word "enough." It makes me think of being full and done. It also reminds me that I may not be full or done. The English language mystifies me.

How did this post make it to the light? I was sitting in the bathroom, yes the place where many a magical idea arises, and also the only place where I have relative peace, and I once again began lamenting not writing my entrance essays. I am paralyzed by the fact that I am not going to get in to any graduate program. My solution to this dilemma is to postpone writing my essays and hopefully it will be too late to send them. The truth is that I need to confront the fear of rejection. The fear of being overwhelmed. The fear of not being enough. It's not a truth. There are very few of those. Just my own private Idaho where I get lost in a tangle of negative 8-track looped thoughts and memories.

But I will chose to write those essays, and confront my clutter and constantly stop the 8-track loop and play something more positive. It is just so damn hard.

I have had enough of fear. Enough.

Photo by: Madgirl


DoulaMomma said...

do it - you'll be great. Let me know if you want a tough, honest but kind set of eyes. xoxo

Anonymous said...

You and my son are struggling with the same problem, why don't you each write each other's essays?

OK, seriously - when you finally get down to it you will be brilliant, and you will write the essays in time - because you are not a quitter, even if you are waiting for the answers in the fetal position you will do it! (how's that for an awful, stream of consciousness run-on sentence?)