Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Surrender



SURRENDER
Function:verb
Inflected Form(s):
sur·ren·dered; sur·ren·der·ing Listen to the pronunciation of surrendering \-d(ə-)riŋ\
Etymology: Middle English surrendren, from surrendre, noun
Date: 15th century

transitive verb1 a: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand b: to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another2 a: to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)intransitive verb: to give oneself up into the power of another : yield
synonyms see relinquish

source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Self-help gurus and religion-brokers always talk about surrender. Let go and Let God. What the hell does that mean? I like details, especially when they help me not do something. And when I give it up where does it go? Are there people out there who actually want to pick up my shit and take it home with them? Maybe use it as an ottoman or end table? Maybe it means that I should get out of my own way. That is also another ambiguous phrase. Ultimately it probably means to stop overanalyzing everything. Just get up in the morning and do what has to get down. But really is an unexamined life worth living?

I talk a great deal about surrender and I am now in the place where I want to know how to actually do it. And it may take me getting comfortable with the fact that I can't throw out my issues like the trash and have it be gone - for good. Even that trash is going to come back to haunt me in terms of global warming and landfill issues. So, then I think, hmmm, this analogy is not too far off. How do I not have the trash come back to haunt me? I become more mindful of creating it in a way that it can be used as compost or simply disintegrate. Letting go of backed up stuff from my childhood is like going green. It takes some research. Getting some new more energy-efficient tools and then being sure to use them.

So what can be in my greening my past toolkit? Hmmm. An ecofriendly world view. I need to cultivate an attitude of unity and connectedness with my environment. That means forgiving those who have hurt me. Saying good-bye to toxic people and situations. Embracing happiness and optimism over their antonyms.
Recycle and Reuse. Taking those things that work and re-tooling them into something positive. Starting small with plastics maybe or the fact that I keep a neat linen closet. Taking those small things and repurposing them into a clean car and a neat closet. One thing at a time.
Composting. Those things I am done with? Throwing them in a bucket and turning them over with sun, heat and air to turn it into something rich and useful. And doing the same with myself. Getting out, getting air and exercise and turning those things in myself that challenge me into opportunity for gold. Now, before I strain this analogy (or am I too late?)I am working on surrender. I think I wrote that I am not sure how G-d fits into my ontology. I am still working on that one. Perhaps that is why I am going back to graduate school for religious studies. To finish exploring those big questions. So when I let something go I am not sure where it goes. But I am beginning to think that it doesn't matter where it goes as long as it leaves me, right? And that there is really no reason to hold onto anything that doesn't serve me, including empty eggshells. There is no tidy conclusion for this post. I am still mulling this one over and trying to get comfortable with this truth: I may never know fully - Anything.

We are blessed may we recognize the blessing

in peace

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1 comment:

Minkgirl said...

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